Recently, I’ve gone through waves of panic as a result of big bills: my cat, Jack, got sick and had to go to the vet, and in the same week I needed a new logic board for my new-to-me Macbook.

As soon as these mini-crises hit, I went into fear. How was I going to make it now? I watched my bank account dwindle. Then the voices started in. “Who the hell do you think you are to go with the flow, live from your heart, trust that something is coming? That’s all total nonsense. How do you expect to feed yourself? It’s irresponsible.”

When these voices show up, it’s hard for me to ignore them because they’re mean, loud, and obnoxious. They purposefully obscure my inner guidance. It was rough there for a while. I thought I’d probably reached the end, that the ride was over and I was going to give up.

That’s my old pattern: a crisis hits, I go into panic mode, I look for and apply for jobs I don’t want, and then end up working for two years at a job I don’t like.

This time I stepped right into that pattern again. I immediately trolled Craigslist for crappy jobs I didn’t want. I made a list of them and told myself I’d apply for them the next day. But when I actually sat down to edit my resume, an intense stomach pain showed up. The longer I worked, the worse it got. Then the pain in my left ovary, my true indicator of doing the wrong thing, showed up. I knew I needed to quit working on my resume.

I turned off the computer and took a shower. When I was done, I realized the stomach pain and the ovary pain were completely gone. I spent the rest of the day growing my business and writing and I felt immensely better. I haven’t returned to the resume since and the pain hasn’t returned either.

During all this I asked my dreams for clues about how to proceed. I needed guidance: should I keep working to grow my business and work on the book or should I look for a job?

For weeks I got no answers. Just when I felt especially down about my guides and dreams staying silent, this dream came:

I park my car and go in to shop. I come out and think I know where my car is parked. I walk to the spot, but my car isn’t there. I decide if I feel for it, I can find it because it’s just invisible. I’ll be able to sense it’s energy. I stand there and put out my hands, trying to sense the energy of the car. I think if I can find the keyhole, I can put my key into it and the car will reappear. Eventually I realize this is silly. The car isn’t there. I remember my car is parked up by the building on the right side.

I walk into the back of a grocery store into a room that looks like an employee lounge. I sit at a desk and try to work on something on my laptop. Two very serious-looking people come in, a man and a woman. I can’t see them because the light is shining in my eyes so their faces are in shadow. I have sunglasses on. I look up to see them better. They’ve come to tell me my elementary teaching license was a waste because there are no jobs. I already know this and laugh it off and say I don’t regret going to JFKU.

So many things are happening in this dream! The most relevant ones to my question are these:

• I’ve just come from shopping
• I can’t find my car
• I try to sense into the car and give up
• I go to an employee lounge to work
• Two people, a man and a woman, tell me my old education was a waste and it won’t get me a job

First, in the dream I’ve just come from spending money and then I try to find the car. Just like my waking life pattern: I spend money and I go looking for a vehicle to get work and money.

Then there’s the car. In the dream the car is my old Pontiac, a car I drove several years ago and then gave to Lance, my ex. Since I sold my Prius during my trip, I’m now driving that Pontiac when Lance isn’t using it. So I’m driving around in a vehicle from my old life.

This is highly significant. Vehicles in dreams often represent what is moving us forward. In the dream and in waking, I’m getting around in a car that represents a very old life. In the dream, I can no longer see it, find it, or get into it. Trying to sense it, find it, or put the key into it doesn’t work. The dream is saying that old life just isn’t going to work anymore.

Even though in the dream I realize where the car is parked, I don’t go to find it. Instead I end up in an employee lounge. This isn’t my ideal workplace…it is bare with a few folding tables, white walls, and drab décor. But at least I’m in the lounge, and it’s not a stressful place. And, I’m working on my own thing on my new laptop. It’s a step forward.

Then the man and woman come in, with serious faces, to tell me my old education was a waste. It’s not going to work for me in finding a job. And I laugh, saying I already know that and I don’t regret it. The funny thing is, I didn’t get my elementary teaching license at JFKU, but that’s the school I defend in the dream. At first I thought this was a message not to pursue teaching children, but my DreamTribe colleague Amy pointed out that the dream might be saying my old education was “elementary,” implying I am moving on, going further.

So I’ve got two signs in the dream that the old way isn’t going to work: my car is gone and unusable, and my old education isn’t going to get me a job. I can’t rely on any of those old ways anymore. Seems like a pretty obvious message.

A few days later, I dreamed about a shaman I’m training with. In the dream, she is paying to have three different cars fixed up for me. They’re at the shop and we’re standing outside while she negotiates the price and the repairs. Looks like I’m getting not just one, but three new possible directions. Positive steps forward indeed.