Garden in Glastonbury, England

Sometimes we meet our shadow in the most unexpected places and in the most unexpected forms.

For me, that happened in Glastonbury. I arrived in the fabled English town a year ago today. I’d talked endlessly about how excited I was to go there. I wanted to hike the Tor, see the Challis Well, and visit the Holy Thorn Tree. I just knew it would be magical.

Instead, I was met with a host who forgot I was coming, the most ridiculous mountain of dishes ever, and a chaotic situation that escalated practically by the hour. (You can read the full story in two installments here and here.)

At first I didn’t realize my host was my shadow, but as the days wore on, it became pretty clear that the diminutive, kind, and totally scatterbrained 60-something Englishwoman hosting me was teaching me a lesson about my ego.

This story is as old as dirt: in many spiritual organizations I’ve known, a major shadow is disowning the ego and ignoring the want for power. Often, the leader holds this shadow for the entire organization. This garden/healing center in Glastonbury was no exception.

It all became vibrantly clear one afternoon. The owner of the healing center stood in the kitchen, leaning against the wall, exhausted. Her hands shook…a permanent condition. She looked as if she couldn’t take one more minute of any of it.

And then the phone rang. She let out a deep sigh and said, “Why am I doing this? I never wanted to be a manager. I’d much rather be out in the garden.”

Her words rang in my ears. They still do. Because I don’t want to be a manager either, and I’d definitely rather be in nature than stuck inside.

Seeing this living, breathing representation of my own shadow was like time travel: I saw the future me and I didn’t like her.

Before I left the U.S. to go on my ancestral journey, I thought I might start a spiritual school, and of course I pictured doing it alone. But standing there in my host’s kitchen and seeing her exhaustion and disappointment, I made a commitment to myself to never attempt running a school or even a center alone.

The owner wanted the position of power so she was trying to run everything herself…and failing miserably. On top of that, because she’d grabbed all the power, it left her unable to attend to the small details that kept everything running, like doing the dishes or cutting the greens for the dinnertime salad.

I am forever grateful to the owner of that healing center in Glastonbury for showing me the shadowy truth I’d been avoiding: I can be power hungry and try to do everything myself, and it always ends up biting me in the ass.

Whenever we grasp for all of the power, we end up powerless. It’s one of the great paradoxes.

So who is your shadow figure? Who in your life right now just drives you crazy? Perhaps they have a valuable message for you. See if you can hear it (and share it with us in the comments!).